Good news! I’ve finally come to terms with the whole June thing, which means that I can now sit back, relax, and enjoy the rest of the month. So talk freely, friends, and don’t worry about pushing me into the arms of a nervous breakdown by mentioning June in the present tense. I’m not ready to think about July yet, so good thing July is far, far away, huh?

Anyway, hi. How are you? Did your family survive the temperature spikes that broke records all over the US last week? (Things I never thought I’d say in June: “Whew! I’m glad it’s only going to be 98 degrees today!”)

Except for the multiple near-death experiences I had last week when I checked the temperature and found out it was three digits long, our summer has actually been going reasonably well. So far I/we:

- Deleted my Twitter account, because Twitter is stupid, as I suspected it was. (If you happen to use and love Twitter, don’t take that as an insult. It’s not that I think that Tweeting is incompatible with being an intelligent, capable person; I just don’t understand why you’d want to communicate in blips of 140 characters when email and blogging and even the phone are available options. A differing of personal preferences. That’s all.)

- Went to Florida for a week to visit family. The kids loved the beach, but were sadly unable to tunnel to China, which is what they appeared to be trying to do with their collection of flimsy plastic shovels of various size and color. That kind of project probably requires a two week vacation instead of just one.

- Managed to stay alive for 24 hours in my grandparents’ Florida home without air conditioning (their A/C pooped out the day we were driving to see them, which is something I might laugh about someday) (but probably not, because it was 101 degrees the long next day that we spent waiting for an A/C tech to show up). Does that make me eligible for Survivor or WHAT?

- Managed to stay alive for 2 hours in our home after our A/C went out two days after we got back from Florida before we retreated to an air-conditioned hotel room. 2 WHOLE HOURS. I’ll take your stunned silence for awe and admiration. Thankfully, our A/C was fixed this morning, and we only had to sell one of our children to pay for it.

- Read some books.

- Have been able to keep sanity intact through Em’s latest phase, which isn’t so much the “Terrible Two’s” as it is “Two-and-a-half going on Fourteen — With an Attitude.” Example: the most minor, trivial incident will cause her to cry and run away to her bedroom, where she will slam the door only the way that one who has suffered great injustice can. On following this drama in the form of a little girl to her room and cracking open the recently slammed door, you will be greeted by the words, “Just go away!” in the most victimized tone ever adopted by a two-year-old, and those words will be followed by more wailing as she buries her face in her pillow and waves you away. Or screams at you.

Just today at lunch she declared that she doesn’t like people, presumably because it was a person who told her she had to sit the right way in her booster seat and stop pushing the chair back so she didn’t topple over. PEOPLE. DISGUSTING, MEDDLESOME, FUN-KILLING PEOPLE. My sanity is still intact, but my eyes have been in danger of rolling right out of their sockets.

Anyway, I think we have done some other stuff since I last posted, but I can’t think of it right now. I’m far too distracted by a guilty conscience: I was supposed to use this evening to make out a menu plan and grocery list. And clean out the fridge. So I’m going to quick! do those other two things right after I think up a title for this pointless rambling post.

That’s what I’ll say, with my fingers in my ears, if you try to tell me that it’s already the middle of June. My summer to-do list is long, and if June were really half over (ha ha, what an amusing untruth! June half over!) I would have to freak out, and freaking out is stressful. My preference is for remaining in state of denial instead. It’s calmer there.

And that’s why, even though June is the month I appointed for my so-called blogging vacation to end, I haven’t been blogging yet. That, and I’ve been to absorbed in a few really good books (do you think that might affect my summer to-do list efficiency? — nah, me neither). Oh! And I don’t really have anything worth writing about! Or perhaps I just lack the motivation for forming words and sentences in such a way as to give the appearance of my having something worth writing, but I’m too lazy to be very introspective about it just now.

So. Those three things. To recap:
1. It’s not June.
2. Reading vs. Blogging. Winner: Reading.
3. Something vague about worthwhile blog content.

But mostly the fact that it is not June, let alone the middle of it.

So… what do you have planned for this summer?

*crickets*

Um. Hello?

*crickets*

Anyone out there?

*crickets*

Hmm. I guess you can’t just abandon your blog for a couple of months and expect to have any readers left to listen to your mindless babbling when you get back.

Not that I’m back. Because, as you already know very well, it isn’t June yet. Nope. Not even close. Ahh, sweet, sweet May April!

I’m breaking radio silence for purely selfish reasons a good cause: Rosetta Stone is giving away a Latin program to one lucky winner via Jeneric Jeneralities. Here are the details if you’d like to enter, too:

Rosetta Stone is the fastest way to learn a language and has been the #1 foreign language curriculum among homeschoolers for a while — and you can WIN the *all new* version 3 Rosetta Stone Homeschool LATIN program… FOR FREE! This is the first year you can get Latin in the brand new Version III update.

This is a $259 program (and believe me it’s worth every penny!)
This is a computer based curriculum and Rosetta Stone will also include a headset with microphone, and a supplementary “Audio Companion” CD so you can practice lessons in the car, on the go, or where-ever! Students participate in life-like conversations and actually produce language to advance through the program. Rosetta Stone incorporates listening, reading, grammar, vocabulary and writing along with speaking and pronunciation lessons. For parents, the new Parent Administrative Tools are integrated into the program to allow parents to easily enroll up to ten students in any of 12 predetermined lesson plans, monitor student progress, grade completed work (the program grades the work automatically as the students progress- I love that!), and you can view and print reports for transcripts. Homeschooling a lot of kids at your house? This program is designed to enroll and track up to ten students (five users on two computers) and will work for nearly all ages — from beginning readers up to college students.

To win this most excellent Latin program copy these paragraphs and post them in (or as) your next blog post, and/OR link to the contest from your facebook page and/OR email the information to your homeschool support group – Then go to the original page http://Jeneralities.com and leave a comment saying that you’ve posted about, or have linked to, the contest. Please make sure the link works to get back to the original contest page when you post. And good luck!

Been busy. Started painting living room, dining, and kitchen. Took Spring Break. Did an awful lot of running around the week before Easter. Am still tired. Had a nice Easter. Lost stupid dog. Found stupid dog. Spring Break ended, school resumed; atmosphere of despondency set in, and reasons for living in short supply among student sector. Will To Go On Anyway eventually located. Went to the Houston Tea Party. Kids began coming down from Easter candy sugar high. Sort of. Got through rest of week, barely making it past finish line that read WEEKEND. Blinked. Weekend ended. Feeling cheated. Sulking about it.

Now you’re all caught up, friends, and I’ve just saved myself at least three separate blog posts. Whew!

We will wrap up our school year at the end of May, and I’ve been trying to reign in my wandering mind (and Calvin’s) ever since it broke free and made a run for it during Spring Break. Just a few more weeks of good work to put in, wandering mind. Come on, old girl. I hope think I can, I hope think I can.

Between wrapping up the school year, ordering books for next school year, and trying to finish many long-neglected projects around the house, many of which may or may not be the result of my former life as a pack-rat (I’m not at liberty to say), blogging always ends up at the bottom of the list. So instead of assuring myself again and again during the next few weeks that I will write a blog post soon! — tonight! — and then not ever getting to it, I’m waving my white flag of surrender now and declaring a blogging vacation through May.

I may extend my vacation to the Internet in general, since I’ve barely been keeping my head above the waters of my Google Reader, but I hope to pop in and read/comment on your blogs as often as I can.

See you in June!

P.S. Comments are closed because this sorry post really, really isn’t worth the time it just took you to read this far (and thank you, lone survivor, whoever you are), let alone comment on it. Wasting your time further? Can’t have that on my conscience. Might ruin my “vacation.”

I seriously do not know what to write these days. It isn’t writer’s block so much as it is ambivalence: I want to write, but I don’t want to write; I want to keep my blog, but I want to turn the computer off until I’m 35. I’ve started several posts in the past week, and each of them ended up in the graveyard of unfinished thoughts, a cemetery with an alarming number drafts in various states of decay — don’t bother mourning.

I suppose it’s just as well, because I don’t really have the time to write a post anyway. I need to use the next few evenings to throw together the superhero capes I got it in my head to make and put in the kids’ Easter baskets (a project that I don’t want to talk about, because it is giving me stress).

Please excuse this hasty, incoherent mess of a post. I’ll try to pop in next week and redeem myself, blog-wise.

Hope you all have a lovely Easter weekend.

————————-
*Blahg, slang: Combination of the words blogand blah; used to denote an affliction known as “blogging blahs.”

1.
“Is TOMORROW April Fool’s?”
My son asks, grinning.
Subtlety is not his strength.

2.
Procrastination defined:
Writing bad haiku
Instead of grocery list.

3.
Click-click-click-click-click-click-click:
The ominous sound
Of unsubscribing en masse.

(Oh dear.)

This evening, Cal and I watched as Em smashed and beat her dinner roll nearly flat with the back of her spoon.

In the world of Two, food isn’t just for nourishment or even flavor — it’s for play and for art and for sport. Edible fun! It isn’t unusual for Em to do all manner of terrible things to her food, so we were fully prepared to see her take the roll-smashing to the roadkill level.

But she didn’t.

Instead, she began circling the deflated roll with two little fingers on the table. Fingers that first appraised the situation, then seemed to be discussing whether or not the roll would make a suitable bed for finger people.

“Mommy Daddy bed?” she squealed excitedly, giving one of the fingers a voice.

“No! Mommy Daddy bed!” the other finger replied, with identical pitch and tone.

Calvin and I suppressed giggles.

The fingers fell to arguing, then abruptly collapsed into the bed, fell into a deep sleep, and began snoring loudly.

With a jerk just as sudden, one of the fingers sat up in bed and picked up the conversation where it left off, quite possibly having no idea that it was awake, let alone talking. “What? Mommy Daddy bed?” it said groggily.

“Mommy? Daddy? NO Mommy Daddy bed!” piped an intruder — a third little finger — in a distinctly girlish voice.

This third finger came and went several times, always bringing with it the same aura of confusion and inciting further debate about the Mommy-Daddy bed. We could only surmise that the third finger was the reason the first two fingers never stayed asleep for long, and the scene always ended with the mommy and daddy going back to sleep.

Then Em took a huge bite out of the bed, and the play was over.

But I think it was based on a true story.

Hey! It’s St. Patrick’s Day. Any Irish out there? I have a wee bit o’ Scotch Irish — which I think means Protestant Irish — in my family lineage somewhere, but it’s just a smidge. Top o’ the mornin’ to ya anyway! Or top o’ the lunch hour, since it’s almost noon here.

The kids are both wearing green today, purely by accident. At least, there wasn’t any forethought in the outfit I chose for Em this morning; Calvin’s favorite color is green, so his new green t-shirt is now his favorite t-shirt, and his wearing it is no accident. In fact, I will probably have to argue with him tomorrow (and the next day, and possibly even the next) about how we don’t wear the same dirt-encrusted shirt for several consecutive days without washing it.

“Please put it in the dirty clothes basket now.”

[Protesting ensues.]

“Right now, so that you aren’t tempted to hide it somewhere in your room for safekeeping.”

[Moping ensues.]

But I digress. This post is about eating. More specifically, eating something sweet and yummy and decadent. These sinfully delicious Creme de Menthe bars were a favorite of mine growing up, and I was always grieved when my mom made a tray for dessert when we were invited to someone’s house for dinner and — it pains me to say this — left them for our hosts! Something this good should inspire one to share, but it has the opposite effect on me, but I will do the next best thing and share the recipe.

If I get a chance today, and want to stop stuffing my face long enough to get out my camera, I’ll come back and add photos. They have a layer of GREEN (the Creme de Menthe, and the only alcohol in our house), which makes them appropriate for St. Patty’s Day.

If, like me, you think that chocolate + mint is one of the best flavor combination in the world, then I encourage you to make these without delay. We don’t do corned beef (none of us like it — sorry, Mom!) but these? Yeah, we’ll eat these. And I volunteer to eat any leftovers.

Creme de Menthe Bars

Fudgey Cakey Brownie Layer:
1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar
4 eggs
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 16-oz. can chocolate syrup

Happy Minty Green Layer:
1/2 cup butter
2 cups powdered sugar
2-3 tablespoons green Creme de Menth

Perfect Chocolate Layer:
1 cup (6 oz.) chocolate chips
6 tablespoons butter

Preheat oven to 350.

Cream margarine and sugar. Add eggs; combine. Add flour, vanilla, salt, chocolate syrup. Mix well and pour into an ungreased 9×13″ pan. Bake for 30 minutes; Cool.

Mix margarine, powdered sugar, and creme de menthe, then spread on cake. Refrigerate until firm.

Melt chocolate chips and margarine and spread on top of filling. Refrigerate.

Cut into bars (free tip: running the knife under warm water first helps to keep the chocolate layer from cracking).

Eat.

Die happy.

Vol-a-tile

adjective: reacting to routine occurrences in the day [being diapered and clothed after a bath if you are a certain 2-year-old girl, for example] or the denial unreasonable requests ["No, you cannot have M&M's until after dinner"] with excessive rage, sometimes accompanied by screaming, biting, kicking, screaming, full-body thrashing, screaming, spitting, hitting, or screaming.

IN CONTEXT:
We have one superhero-loving son, and one sometimes sweet, sometimes volatile daughter.

Em is usually happy and easygoing, but when she is volatile, I find myself wishing that straight jackets came in size 3T.

According to a recent study, the forces of nature people fear most are earthquakes, hurricanes, and volatile toddlers.

SYNONYMS: dictatorial, contrary, dramatic, irrational, defiant, exhausting, feral

ANTONYMS: cooperative, docile, predictable, tame, obedient, energizing, sleep

If the Word of the Week turns into the Word of the Year, I’m going to need to stock up on patience.

Maybe it comes in supplement form, like a vitamin, and I can simply take 1 capsule daily and chase it down with a frothy drink rich in anti-exasperation. Chocolate-flavored would be nice.

Monday promised to be a lovely blue-skied day with temps in the 60s, so we took advantage of the nice weather and spent the morning at the Houston Zoo. Mr. Husband and I had been saying, “Let’s take the kids to the zoo this weekend!” for the past several weeks, but never did for one reason or another. We figured we had better actually go to the zoo before “Let’s take the kids to the zoo this weekend!” became a string of words we were just in the habit of saying, but that no longer held any meaning.

So we went.

Em had not been to the zoo since she was just a wee mite of a thing, so this was practically a new experience for her. She loved it; what she lacked in patience to spy out animals hidden in their artificial habitats, she made up for in running around like a maniac. She also enjoyed taking possession of her aunt (Mr. Husband’s sister, who is in town for a little while and was able to join us), by way of slipping her hand into her aunt’s hand and thereby gaining ownership.

Cal took possession of the zoo map, although I’m not sure he did any navigating; his strategy was to locate our designation on the map, then begin walking in the wrong direction to get there. In other words, he did exactly what I do with a map. He’s only seven though, so there’s still time for the Good Sense of Direction genes he inherited from his daddy to kick in. I hope.

Anyway, thought I’d share the few critter photographs I managed to take before my camera battery died on me (grr, mumble, rrmm) and call it a post.

First up is Mr. Lace Monitor of the Reptile House, just hanging out on the carefully secured tree limb (positioned to seem as natural and tree-like as possible) in his aquarium, basking in the glow of his fake sunlight producing lamp.

My sister-in-law told me she was warned about these monitors when she visited Australia several years ago, because they have a decided preference for crawling up the inside of one’s pants leg. A mildly disconcerting thought, considering the size of the beast: this lace monitor was at least as long as my own (short) legs, not including the full length of his tail; all the more alarming because of his wicked claws, which are designed to aid in his climbing efforts. I’ll bet! Makes me wonder if flared jeans are popular in Australia. (Cath?)

Anyway, his expression may appear to lean towards murderous, but I think he was just curious about the make of my camera:

Is she a Canon girl or a Nikon girl? he wonders to himself.

I’m a Canon girl, I answer him in my head, turning my camera slightly so that he can see the Canon logo. And no, you can’t crawl up the legs of my pants.

On to the pretty frogs!

The poisonous dart frog’s favorite saying: “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful — hate me because I’m poisonous.” Ha! Ha. Ha. Okay, maybe not.

DETERMINATION: The will to keep climbing, no matter how blue you are.

Ha ha! Yeah — no.

Moving along.

We were able to catch the morning sea lion show, which was fun — seal lions are smart! These two even have their humans trained to give them food for doing silly tricks. This one is showing us how she taught her human to give her a little medical exam and throw her a couple of fish afterwards:

Amazing!

Also, if you ever lie awake at night wondering how to tell the difference between a seal and a sea lion, and worry because if you should happen meet either one in passing, you wouldn’t know whether to say, “How are you, Mr. Sea Lion?” or “How are you, Mr. Seal?” let me alleviate your anxiety and cure your insomnia. Sea lions have ear flaps — which look more like human ears — and seals don’t (they just have little ear holes).

(There were a two more distinguishing characteristics mentioned by the nice lady giving the flight-attendant style narration as the seals worked with their humans, but I have a very short long-term memory, and tend to tune out flight-attendant style narrations, so you’ll have to go to Google if you want more than ear flaps.)

Oh! Here are couple of meerkats and a stick and some dirt:

I don’t know why this one is staring at me. Doesn’t he know that it’s RUDE to stare?

Maybe he’s thinking, “I don’t know why that one is staring at me. Doesn’t she know that it’s RUDE to stare?”

He has a point.